Part 3, tandem edition: Breastfeeding a Toddler and a Newborn
This is the third post in my breastfeeding series.
Part 1, One Year of Breastfeeding: A Celebration
Part 2, Breastfeeding: The Twelve Month Event Horizon
I’ve been delighted to continue to breastfeed my toddler past one year, and recently we passed our two year mark. Breastfeeding a toddler came with some new challenges, including navigating night time feeds, new nursing habits, and for me, pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding two kids at once.
Breastfeeding a Toddler
Night weaning
When Yosemite was around 18 months we decided it was best for our family to start some sleep learning. I was still waking 2–3 times at night to breastfeed, a habit I always thought Yosemite would grow out of, but they never did. I had wanted Yosemite to naturally sleep longer stretches, without me needing to take the first steps, but that wasn’t happening. After doing some reading, I decided the first step would be to wean at night; after all Yosemite couldn’t sleep through the night if they were waking up to drink, and at this age the drinking was more for comfort than nutrition.
While my husband was away on a trip to see family, my Aunt stayed with me and Yosemite and I took the step to night wean. The first thing I did was when Yosemite fell asleep on the breast at night, gently remove the breast from their mouth. This was actually the portion Yosemite was the most upset about of the entire process. I would leave the breast out while they fussed for 15–30 seconds then put the breast back in and repeat. The idea behind this was to get Yosemite used to the fact that the breast wasn’t 100% available all the time at their beck and call. And in fact, outside of daycare, this was the first time Yosemite was around mom and mom did not immediately offer the breast when it was asked for so this was a good learning experience and necessary for the second step.
The second step I took was to tell Yosemite that the milk was sleeping until morning and offer gentle snuggles instead when Yosemite woke up expecting milk. We did this for an entire week and Yosemite quickly caught on, even pointing to the sun in the morning to show that the milk was not sleeping anymore and that they should get their morning drink. This was effective, and when my husband returned from his trip I no longer went in to comfort Yosemite at night, but rather my husband did, and gradually he was able to transition Yosemite into soothing themselves at night were they to wake up, in addition to Yosemite waking up rarely at night as they no longer were accustomed to milk at night.
Going forward with our next baby I will chose to take steps in the direction of night weaning (dropping a feed, talking about the milk being available in the morning, and encouraging longer stretches of sleep) much earlier than 18 months. I do wish Yosemite had taken the first steps to night wean, but I think given that they did not show signs of doing so some nudges in that direction might have helped us both get more sleep earlier on.
Using up all the frozen milk
At a certain point, I transitioned from pumping at work and no longer pumped. This was around 18 months as well. At daycare other kids were having cow’s milk in open cups a few times a day, and I directed daycare to serve Yosemite my frozen breast milk (unthawed of course) as an alternative. Breast milk expires after 1 year in the deep freeze, and I had all mine stored in the deep freeze, so I actually needed to use it before it expired. I used the oldest milk first. I was glad to be able to continue to provide Yosemite nutrition custom made for them as a cow’s milk alternative.
Teeth, acrobatics, and discussing breastfeeding with the little one
Yosemite got more and more teeth. They were never an issue for us, Yosemite did not bite and knew instinctively how to nurse comfortably.
Yosemite would increasingly find some new positions to nurse in, standing, kneeling, even propped up on the couch behind. They preferred the normal cross-cradle until they got much taller, and then they preferred sitting beside me.
As Yosemite got more vocal, we began to discuss breastfeeding more. Yosemite would say things like “like some boobie”, and seemed to do so more if I was paying attention to anyone outside of my husband (which mostly happened via video call due to the pandemic).
When I began working from home due to the pandemic, it was especially nice on my coffee breaks to take a break to nurse and reconnect with Yosemite. Although they had stopped taking bottles at daycare, and I had stopped pumping by that point, Yosemite still enjoyed nursing.
Signs of weaning, false alarm
At one point I’d purposely take breaks, if I could, during my work from home day, to offer Yosemite the chance to breastfeed, but gradually Yosemite started declining, dropping to just a breastfeed in the morning after they woke up, a feed after lunch, and sometimes a feed before bedtime. Gradually the feeds before bedtime were also largely declined.
If I wasn’t the one to get Yosemite after their nighttime or nap sleep, occasionally they’d request me/breastfeeding to my husband, but mostly they’d be just as happy to have breakfast/snack and get on with the day. I wanted to keep up breastfeeding so I did try to get Yosemite after their sleep to make sure that we didn’t miss a full day.
Breastfeeding while Pregnant
When Yosemite was 15 months old we learned that I was expecting their sibling Sequoia. I bought a book on tandem nursing, which is nursing a young one throughout pregnancy and nursing two (or more) of differing ages after birth.
Tandem nursing is healthy and normal, and a variety of different outcomes during pregnancy are possible. Some toddlers choose to wean (due to waning milk supply, disinterest or other reasons), some mothers choose to wean (due to discomfort, disinterest or other reasons), and sometimes both choose to continue. I was happy that Yosemite and I fell into the last camp. While Yosemite did begin to show signs of wanting to nurse less toward the end of my pregnancy, we still happily had a few feeds a day.
My pumping output did steadily decrease. When Yosemite was 17 months, I went on a business trip and instead of my usual 30+ oz. a day I pumped around 20 oz. a day. I used Milk Stork to mail my milk home. Although I didn’t necessarily need extra frozen milk, I’m glad I did as that milk is now in the freezer and could be used for Yosemite’s sibling. When Yosemite was 18 months instead of my usual 6–12 oz. per pumping session I began to get 2–3 oz. in my twice daily pumping sessions. By then I was 3 months pregnant. I chose to stop pumping at this point because Yosemite was drinking from open cups at daycare and I had plenty of frozen milk to offer Yosemite in addition to their being able to drink all sorts of milks at that age.
Breastfeeding a Newborn and a Toddler
The first days after birth – new baby
Learning to breastfeed a new baby is an adventure. This time around I made fewer mistakes than last time. Although it was a challenge to both get the baby to latch, and to feed with enough frequency when the baby was very tired after birth, I both pumped for feeds we did not manage (goal is to feed 8–10 times at minimum per 24 hours; but sometimes in the first days there are things which get in the way of this goal), and didn’t worry about a little weight loss because I knew the normal parameters. I continued putting baby Sequoia to the breast. I was surprised, again, at how in the first days a new mother might have to really actively help the baby’s head to navigate to the breast. I was used to a toddler who was like a heat seeking missile: any position or which way and they’d latch, the newborn was extremely different. After a bit of relearning on my part, learning on Sequoia’s part, and discovering that the so-call “football” hold worked best for us, we were off to a flying start.
The first days after birth – toddler
When I got home many more nursing positions seemed comfortable, but the football hold for the newborn, once we mastered it, was the key to nursing alongside the toddler.
When Sequoia was born we were away for a few days while Yosemite was cared for at home by a friend. Yosemite didn’t nurse or take frozen milk while I was away, and when we returned with Yosemite’s sibling, Sequoia, I wanted to be careful that Sequoia was getting all the milk they needed, so when Yosemite requested to nurse before Sequoia, I refused. This was right before Yosemite’s bedtime so we did not nurse the day I returned.
Then the next day I went to get Yosemite in the morning and they did not want to nurse. I offered a few times throughout the day, in our usual nursing times, after Sequoia had already drained a breast (so that I would not be taking milk away from them) and Yosemite always refused. I wrote our bith doula that I was worried Yosemite might have weaned. I am open to Yosemite weaning, and it’d be lovely if they take the first steps instead of me. I expect Yosemite to wean before 3, but this seemed too soon. I wasn’t ready and besides I had looked forward to nursing two at once, even for just a little bit. I didn’t push things.
The following day Yosemite requested to nurse in the morning and since then we’ve been happily nursing at our usual times (morning, after lunch, before bed). After the first days home with Sequoia we got into a rhythm where I was no longer concerned about Yosemite potentially taking milk that Sequoia could benefit from. My supply was doing well, Sequoia was back to birth weight, and I always chose to feed Yosemite only directly after Sequoia had finished drinking so that milk would always first be available to Sequoia, who after all, could only drink milk. Yosemite began to request milk at a few other times in the day, at the snack times in the morning and afternoon, and also stay on the breast longer, I believe due to the fact that my milk supply was greatly increased since pregnancy.
The first month, and beyond
The first month has been lovely. Now I usually breastfeed Yosemite once in the morning, and once after nap and/or before bedtime after dinner, always on a breast that Sequoia has recently finished.
I’ve started pumping for Sequoia and practicing with a bottle a few times a week. Dad gives Sequoia the bottle while I busy about. With Yosemite I was always careful to leave the home and we did pumping/bottle practice every day at the same time (around 2pm). That always gave me a break each day as well as made sure Yosemite was in practice with the bottle. This time in a pandemic, and with a toddler, that isn’t so practical. It’s hard for me to step away and there’s not as many places to step away to. So I’ve made do with perhaps working out in my new garage gym (I can pump while I do certain workouts with my handsfree, in bra pump, the Elvie pump!), or going for a neighborhood walk and reading/doing phone tasks on a nice bench.
Sequoia caught onto nursing well, and sleeps in a bassinet that swivels over my bed. Right now Sequoia is nursing 2–3 times a night, usually at 11pm 4am and after they wake. I go back to work next month, when Sequoia is 9 weeks old. I went back to work when Yosemite was 10 weeks but this time I am working remotely with in-home childcare. Since we’ll all be at home, I’m looking forward to breastfeeding more and pumping less than I did with Yosemite. I will still keep in practice of one bottle a day which will give my husband and our nanny the option of enjoying feeding the baby, me the option of a break, and keep everyone in good practice in case of emergencies or extended periods away.
Twice as nice
As a modern mom, it’s a delight to be able to provide nutrition to two babies via breastfeeding in a culture that makes it tough. Not everyone gets the opportunity or has the luck to feed two babies but when they are both snuggled in close, and I sit on the couch cuddling both of them while they eat, I can truly count my blessings in both arms.
I expect that by my next breastfeeding blog post series Yosemite will have weaned. Now that we’ve reached the tandem feeding stage, and I had the chance to provide milk again at full capacity and not corner Yosemite into weaning just because of my pregnancy, I can say that whenever Yosemite starts again to show signs of weaning I’m ready this time for the next stage of growth. And as Yosemite grows out of nursing I have their sibling Sequoia to provide for and look forward to repeating the same journey.
